Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
