Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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