his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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