I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
