***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
