I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's great music for shaving your balls
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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