Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
