Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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