Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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