You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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