I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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