I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
