I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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