Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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