when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
