...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
