we made out on top of his cat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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