it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I bet he comes in French.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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