So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
