weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize