last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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