girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
