it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
