Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize