I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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