You made me cry and you don't even care
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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