oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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