I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
