Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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