He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize