Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
