is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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