Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
