I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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