ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
