i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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