Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
