I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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