Can Purell be used as lube?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
