There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
