I just threw up on my dentist
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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