Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
