note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
