p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
