I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
