guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
