This house was built for laser tag.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
