remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
