whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
