i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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