I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
