How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
