how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize