after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
