i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
