He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
