Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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