Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize