Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
