I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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