she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
