do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
