i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
