vagina is talking i cant
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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