Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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