Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
