i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
