i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
