where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
