The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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