I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
