My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize