thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
