Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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