also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
