If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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