why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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