talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
