omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
