I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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