she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize