he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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