Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
