Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this boner is exhausting
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
