I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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