i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
