last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
