The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I only lived at night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize