Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
