OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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