Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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